well my morning started off great felt clearer headed and managed to tidy up a bit put on a wash. then took my morning meds and feel heady again really hope this passes. need to start eating better too ! really considering leaving uni iv never been able to stick at a job and im not sure i can study on these meds. how o you all find work iv applied for a disability benefit until i feel well on my meds. my job was zero hour contract which was good for me work when i can although some days i had to call o the day as i couldn’t work then my boss got annoyed. i also cant drive anymore . how do you all hold down jobs on these meds ?

im shouting at my girls and being irritable I really cant help it. Iv blamed my husband over there teeth as I feel they need to brush for longer before I knew it I blew and couldn’t help myself. my daughter then said i make her feel bad iv come downstairs and i feel so down its coming again ! todays been really hard as i cant shake this tiredness an hour after morning dose my hands and feet wernt moving properly just wanted to sleep . but i started pottering about then i blew. time for my evening meds now god ! i feel i don’t deserve my kids and theyl be better off without me. things have got sobad this last few months before i could control myself a bit better but since diagnosis not sure if its because i finally know whats wrong that’s made me snappier to the point i cant hold it in, or weather after all these years its just snapped and now its recognised im looking for it more ?. i was nowhere near as bad when my girls were younger. they defo do not deserve having to walk on egg shells i really upset my younger 1 and there such good girls .i do not want to get used to sitting around all day its not me unless im having an episode. but i nearly fell down the stairs as i felt wabbly on my feet . my god i don’t know how i feel anymore ! is this really my feelings or is it my illness !

nothing makes sense

im sitting at university at my computer and i cant seem to concentrate at all . I have made loads of mistakes and am currently stressing i thought i was finished an it turns out its all wrong i feel myself currently trying to smile when i want to scream !! i just feel i cant do it and im losing the ability to make sense and logic of anything before losing it